I've loved and I've lost

Its like a glass has shattered in an open field full of all types of flowers and there is water, and rain and a dark cloud so the sky is gloomy and I cant see without the sun. Its like I lost my eye sight, and the feeling in my hands but my arms scurry around searching. my legs are like jelly but my feet are moving me around just fine. I moving swiftly but quickly become aggravated. I take a break because well I think the alcohol will help but it only makes me cry and now I really cant see. My eyes and nose are puffy and red but I get back to it and move slowly.. I figured since I cant see I can use my hearing to guide me... there is a knot in my throat. Like Marco polo, I hear my heart beating that's Marco... I call out, I'm Polo  & I hear it, so I moved towards the sound of my heart beating and this goes on for hours, days, weeks months; 4 months and 5 days to be exact. That 5th day came and suddenly I heard my heart beating the loudest I reached down towards the beat and it suddenly stops.... FCK!!!! I have lost it; I have lost my heart... you would think that the numbness helps the pain but it has only made it worse....