I have become a pretty busy lady, juggling two jobs and a training to be an advocate for rape victims and women in crisis; it’s a lot. I haven’t given my body a rest. On top of trying to maintain communication with people most important to me. The beggining of the year was really rough for me emotionally; love can take a toll on you I suppose. However, I always seem to get back to me... always remember, that even if you fall off course, you must find your way back in order to have a better sense of self and a better awareness of the things going on around you. When you find your way back to self, hindsight is stagnant. Make sure you ask yourself why I said stagnant and not nonexistent.
So I think I will focus on me for once in this post. I am
training to be an advocate/counselor. Mandated by the state, I have to be
certified in Domestic Violence and Sexual Violence. I have to say, these
training sessions are amazing and I have and am learning a lot. The people I am
training and working with are very engaging and really I feel now, that I have
a sense of purpose. I think that I realized my purpose long ago but life
happens. On the contrary, everyone has their time, their moment of clarity when
they wake up and say, “What the Fuck am I doing with my life?” I am doing now
at 27 going on 28, what I should have been doing at 21. Finishing my degree in Sociology/Social
Work, volunteering, working on my resume, my damn credit and just living life
at the same time. I am actually living. The biggest part of all, is I have
stopped worrying about love and being a wife or a perfect girlfriend and living for me
and just simply being happy; getting Alexis together. I have so many plans for
myself by the time I am 30 and who’s gonna check me boo? I mean really, I spent
most of my 10yrs in Tallahassee, taking care of everyone else. All I worried
about was paying bills and I can admit I have been struggling. All 10yrs? I
must be doing something wrong; I must be. This is what I have been telling
myself. I get so distracted and I know that about myself. I used to be so hard
on myself but I remind myself that I am human. I am Alexis, driven at all
times, sometimes I fall, sometime I nag, sometimes I cry; I am all over the
place, that’s me! I won’t change that
about myself; I am finding my way; better late than never right??
So funny though, it took me about a year of saying I am
going to volunteer to do it and let me tell you I finally did it but here is
the kicker. They say you should surround yourself with people like you. For
years I surrounded myself with all types of people and energies, a lot of
people who were content or ok with the bad situation that they were in. Granted
we should always motivate ourselves but it’s nothing like surrounding yourself
with people who work hard, have positive energy & who are really driven. I
have met some amazing people in the past year; Men and Women and they help me;
they have helped me. They help me through life and not only that, Love. It’s
like we all feed off of each other; that’s truth. Motivated people motivate
others; I have experienced that & I am so grateful for them. I’m grateful
for the ones who put up with my shit but never kicked me when I was down and
the ones that allow me to be their guide or the help that they needed as well.
It’s like a win/win situation and I am so happy about it. The Kicker are the
people who have helped me along this journey. It’s not me just helping people
anymore; it’s really reciprocated this time around. People say you have that feeling when you know
everything is going to work out as it should and I always tell my friends that,
if nothing else, everything works out as it should… so have no worries. I
practice what I preach and at this moment I have no worries; I’m cool. I am
happy with the situation that I am in and where I am headed; are you? Sometimes change is imminent; embrace that part of yourself and life.
