Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The stages of the heart...


When it comes to the individual & relationship status there are I believe, three major stages. The relationship, the breakup and the epiphany stage (after the breakup). When two people are in a relationship there is some form of love. I mean even when it’s bad, you work at it and all the feelings, even the bad ones, are grand; it’s great, right?  I mean because let’s face it, even the person who is against being in a relationship wants a relationship with someone that makes life a little easier when they are in it. Who doesn't want to have someone to love, someone to call their best friend or someone to make love to or simply just sex? I personally look forward to the make-up sex; I am just saying. Overall it’s a good feeling especially if it’s a pretty good relationship.

Then we have the breakup. Depending on the type of relationship you are in, will determine your reaction to it.  There are several types of breakups. There is the mutual breakup; the mutual breakup is when both parties are adult enough to know that the shit just isn't working. So they are better off being friends... or not. In the end of the mutual breakup is all good either way.  The you broke up with me you bastard breakup. Now, emotionally for the person who was let go, it’s a pretty fucked up situation. It’s pretty sad actually, especially because the one who did the letting go is chillin' and probably already dating someone else. Ha, it’s pretty tough. Then you have the worst of them all, the I left because I had to leave break ups. I left you because you were abusing me, I left you because you cheated, I left you because you weren't ready and I left your ass because it was bad timing. Damn, almost forgot, I had to leave because I don't love you anymore... daaammmnnn …. damn. During the breakup stage there is a lot of emotion man and I mean a lot. But the goal, the bright side, the number one accomplishment is the epiphany moment; that ah ha moment. 

Now in my case, I normally am the one that breaks up with someone and at that point I am done with being emotional. Hell I have already went through the breakup stage before I even broke up with their ass. Truth be told I am pretty lenient. So I take a lot of shit until I am not going to take it anymore. I am not trying to go through the breakup emotion because "don't nobody have time for that." The shit is draining. Now, let’s say, in the case that I wasn't the one who broke up with the other. What if I say that, the situation was left alone because we have no choice but to let it go? What happens when you fall in love with the right person at the wrong damn time? I think the worst part of falling in love is falling in love and being in a situation that should not have been in the first place. Well I perused it anyway. Oh and it ended, but I love, I love, I love and so I went through the I understand and let’s be friends, to wtf let’s take a break because I need to deal with my feelings and to the fuck you I hate you for making me feel this way, let’s not talk at all. Those are emotions one doesn't want; hell I don't want. When you are going through the cycles of a breakup, I know for me, I become weak, sad and vulnerable when I truly love someone. It hurts like hell. Especially when you have met your equal but it just isn't the right time or it could never really be.

The other day, I sent this long ass text about how emotional I was by not speaking at all and the response simply said what I already knew and had been saying the entire time but I wanted so bad to fight; for us to fight. At that moment, when I came back to reality, when I realized how emotionally crazy I had become and made myself; I just stopped and said okay.  It took that response to realize  that no matter what we feel, we have to be realistic about what the situation is.  Our reality was based on what we wished we could have as opposed to what it really was. I was stuck on the idea that if we loved each other ENOUGH then we could make it work but when the timing is wrong, when the situation isn't right or one is just not ready then it just won’t work; in love nothing can be forced. Love is patient. When people go through breakups, they go through a lot of emotional points just to get to that epiphany moment, that ah ha moment, when the pain just stops. There is never a time limit on a sad feeling; you don't stop being sad until you stop being sad. It truly is as simple as that. 

My disclaimer in it all is I was not in a titled relationship; I was in love. In life people come in to change apart of you; to add to your life. In every type of relationship we should embrace it, learn from it and move forward. Sometimes you have to let something go for it to come back and sometimes you have to just let go.  hakuna matata

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Monday, February 4, 2013

I was in love once and now…..

I want love without the love but I know that truly doesn't exist. I want the heart without the heartache but that is love without love and that truly doesn't exist. i am stagnant in the idea but what's the truth in it all. I would be the one who hurts me. I would only allow you to borrow me in fear that you might just keep me. Then what? Then you would be love in my love that I wouldn't allow to exist.